In all my years of working with women, I have yet to meet one who loves her body. I mean really, truly loves it and would not change a thing, given the chance. The extent to which each of us focuses on our body image ranges anywhere from “What body?” to near-constant obsession.
Sure, society has slowly begun shifting toward body positivity and maintaining a healthy weight; nevertheless, there remains strong pressure to be thin, fit, and young. Most of us have deeply internalized it. I know I certainly have. And despite decades of intermittent effort to counter it, I can still find myself toggling back and forth between accepting my aging body and railing against it.
In Don’t Forget to Breathe, I wrote about how, as a perfectionistic teen, my inner critic was a downright bully: a near-constant companion, laser-focused on my appearance and hypercritical of any perceived bodily defect, particularly consumed with the number on the bathroom scale that never seemed to dip low enough. Her persistent influence convinced me to expend entirely too much time dieting and self-critiquing my slender, youthful body.
Thankfully, in my twenties, I learned to exercise, eat moderately and judge myself less. As I grew to respect and care for myself more, my weight seemed to take care of itself. Mostly it became a nonissue.
In my late forties, as perimenopause was unknowingly ramping up, my typically exercise-induced robust metabolism began to slow; my body subtly grew softer in new and different areas. I didn’t love it, nor did I fret too much about it.
Then, I hit my fifties. Perimenopause was in full-on assault mode; my body composition, perceptible collateral damage. I found myself joining in on the pervasive midlife women’s refrain:
Whose body is this?! My clothes don’t fit. My weight has not only gone up, but has migrated to new territories. I’ve changed nothing about my routine—same food, same exercise, same everything. I feel uncomfortable in my body and don’t even recognize it anymore.
The verdict is still out about what actually causes perimenopausal weight gain. According to Dr. Jen Gunter*, “During the menopause transition, women are more prone to gaining visceral fat [fat inside the belly around the organs, as opposed to subcutaneous fat, which is just below the skin and can be grabbed with the hands]. This may be why many think they’re gaining more weight than they are, because their waistbands may be getting tighter.”
What we do know is that fluctuating levels of estrogen can trigger fat storage in the belly—and that a little extra is needed to offset our changing hormones. It is a complex, multi-layered process. Part of the weight gain and redistribution is under our control, part of it, not so much.
Enter: The Perimenopause Serenity Prayer
[God], grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
— Reinhold Niebuhr
Taking it a step further, we can ask ourselves: What’s in my power to change? How important is that to me? How much time and energy do I want to devote to it? What is it I really want to focus on? What matters most?
For me, this has meant tweaking my relatively healthy lifestyle habits to include evidence-based nutrition, exercise, stress reduction, and rest geared specifically toward perimenopause. (And, as I’ve shared, gratefully adding Menopause Hormone Therapy to my daily regimen.)
Do I strike the right balance all of the time? Of course not. And. It is also greatly empowering to know I am at least partially in control. The rest, I acquiesce (or try to, at least).
The extensive changes our bodies undergo during perimenopause are real, normal, and often challenging. In Reclaim Midlife, we learn all about what is under our control (the latest perimenopause research regarding nutrition and exercise) and discuss ways we can go about accepting what is not (mindset, self-talk, play, purpose).
*Gunter, Dr. Jen. The Menopause Manifesto.
Excerpted from Don’t Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women (The Experiment Publishing, 2022).
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