25 Lessons I Have Learned: A letter to my twenty-five year-old self on my fifty-fifth birthday

In Breathe Mama Breathe I wrote about how I've learned to plan my own birthday celebration, which, ideally, entails a long, leisurely bike ride on a local rail trail, grabbing lunch along the way, followed by dinner and birthday cake on our backyard patio. My idea of heaven. [Mother Nature had other plans this year. I adapted with a rainy walk and indoor lunch.]

I wrote this piece TEN YEARS ago and believe it still stands. After logging another decade on the planet, I’ve added a few [addendums]. 

25 Lessons I Have Learned: A letter to my twenty-five year-old self on my forty-fifth birthday [fifty-five]

• You can survive with much less sleep than you will care to know. Enjoy it now, for it will not be fully under your control for years. [Little do you know the fun waiting for you with perimenopausal night sweats! (And don’t wait so long to get that Menopause Hormone Therapy!)]    

• You are right – love is what matters most. Congratulations for figuring that one out so early.

  
  

• There will come a time when you will barely remember what it feels like to be bored, to be lonely, or to have too much free time on your hands. [Because you had your kids ten years apart you still don’t recall. No empty nest here for a while.]   

• Having children will be like holding a mirror up to yourself. They will bring out the best and the worst in you and push you to grow in ways you cannot imagine. The love you will feel for them is indescribable. I am so excited for you to know it. [By far the best thing I’ve ever done.]

  
  

• No one else is critiquing you half as much as you do yourself. It feels so much better to be kind to yourself.

  
  

• The more compassion you have for yourself, the more you have to offer others. [Your compassion and tolerance will be tested during perimenopause, when you’re Not Feeling Like Yourself. Don’t fret. It will return.]   

  
  

• You think your body needs improvement now? Take a look at it after twenty years and two kids. Things will shift and, believe it or not, this will be okay. You will learn to appreciate your body for how it serves you, rather than how it looks. What a relief. [Shifting body composition in menopause. hahahaha] 

• You are stronger than you realize. [Damn straight.]

  
  

• You already know to follow your bliss. Make sure you also follow your curiosity.

  
  

• Don’t listen to the people who caution you that you can’t. They mean well, but you can.

  
  

• You will learn to meditate. It will infuse your life with a calmness, a strength and a stillness upon which you can rely.  [Mindful Menopause Guide]

• Value and nurture your friendships. This becomes challenging as life becomes full. Make it a priority.

  
  

• I know you love him, but for Pete’s sake, get rid of the boyfriend who does not treat you as well as he should. 

  
  

• You will find a wonderful man to marry and with whom you share your life. You will learn to grow together, challenge each other, and love. Tenacity, forgiveness and a sense of humor will be required. [26 years and counting]

  
  

• You will be a grown-up but will never completely feel like one. [Even at fifty-five!]

  
  

• You will look in the mirror and expect to see that twenty-five-year old face gazing back. The reflection will alternately appall and reward, depending on the day (and how much you have slept.  See #1). [Still shocked but think I am/should be forty.]

  
  

• Forty-five is not old!! [Neither is fifty-five. My eighty year old mother talks about the “old people” she sees. I love this. And see #16**]

  
  

• It is okay to like what you like and dislike what you don’t. [It’s also okay they are ever-evolving.]

  
  

• You are not your accomplishments AND challenge yourself whenever possible. [Say yes before you feel completely ready.]

  
  

• You are wise. Trust yourself. When you are true to yourself, most everything falls into place eventually.

  
  

• Listen to your body. It is always guiding you. When you don’t pay attention, you will get sick, you will get anxious, you will learn. 

  
  

• Everything changes. You will resist. You will cling. Do your best to accept and go with the flow. 

  
  

• You will appreciate your parents more than you can imagine. As you raise your kids, you will be bowled over by the realization of how much your parents have given of themselves.

  
  

• You will be happy. And lucky. And grateful. [Life will sometimes be hard and messy. Expect it. Do your best to live in the AND.]

  
  

Each birthday is a gift and a welcome opportunity to celebrate. Here’s to the promise of many more…